


Wilde

by phangelica



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Period Typical Homophobia, angst about period typical homophobia, victorian au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:35:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21884125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phangelica/pseuds/phangelica
Summary: Dan is a gay barrister wishing for love when he meets Phil in a coffeehouse in Victorian London
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 30
Kudos: 47
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Succubusphan/gifts).



> thank u so much to my beta [det395](https://det395.tumblr.com/) for all her help :-) <3

As Dan woke up in his apartment, he wondered if there would ever be a day he didn’t dread waking up. 

Every day was the same thing. He would get ready for work as a barrister, put on his robes and wig and go to the court to try people. Everyday was depressing. Trying poor people who stole so they could eat. Trying people who had reduced themselves to mudlarking when there seemed to be no other choice. And worst of all for Dan, trying men for gross indecency for homosexual acts. 

Dan never understood how people could really rat out their neighbors and peers for this. Why couldn’t they just mind their own business? They probably get up to all types of fucked shit behind closed doors. 

Trying these people made Dan anxious. It made him think of the thoughts he had when he had his hand around himself and how much risk he would put himself in if he actually were to act on his impulses. Even as he dreams of one day finding love, he knows that in his line of work, it is too dangerous. If famous author, Oscar Wilde, could be arrested just last week, a simple barrister such as himself is not much more safe. 

He kept ruminating on this subject as he went about his morning errands. If he was “normal” he wouldn’t have to live the rest of his life as a lonely bachelor. He tried to get his mind off of it as he walked into the coffee house to get his daily coffee, pastry, and newspaper. He had to stay up to date with the happenings of the town for his job but honestly he would rather read a novel. On the weekends, he often came to his coffee shop with a book to read. 

When he got his morning supplies, he turned to sit at his usual table and was shocked to see a man already sitting there. Dan always sat at that table. He could just sit wherever else but the coffee house was busier than usual today. The man was wearing a suit and his hat was on the table leaving his light brown hair styled in a quiff exposed to Dan. The man seemed quite thin, had very pale skin and, as Dan walked closer to his table, he saw freckles dusting his cheeks and nose. The man didn’t notice as Dan stood right by the table, deeply engrossed in a book.

“Excuse me, sir? Do you mind if I sit with you?” When Dan spoke, the man jumped up in his seat, seemingly startled by this simple question.

“Christ! You scared me!” Dan just looked back at him. Is that all he’s going to say?

“Sorry? There’s just nowhere else to sit and I always sit at this table, so I thought I would go up to you and ask since you are sitting here alone and—” Dan knew he was rambling but now that the man had looked up, he saw those pale blue eyes that looked like they had more colors than just blue. Maybe some green and yellow? The man was incredibly handsome and he looked at Dan with a friendly smile even while Dan rambled on about the capacity of the coffeehouse and how there really should be more spaces, especially on Monday mornings. 

“Oh yeah! Of course no problem. Please, sit. I was getting a little lonely anyway.” When Dan sat down, that was when he noticed the man’s long legs in his trousers underneath the table stretched out to the chair he sat in. “I’m Philip, by the way. But my friends call me Phil.”

“Oh, are we friends now because there was no space at any other table?” Dan was doing the thing he always did when he found himself in situations like this with a new person. He panicked and was rude to them. Typically that kept people as far as possible for someone as reserved as Dan. But lately he has been feeling lonely. Will he ever be able to find love with his situation? And if all he does is push people away, will he truly spend the rest of his life with no love and no friends?

He’s startled out of his spiral by Phil’s laugh across the table. He giggles with his tongue between his teeth and he quickly raises his hand to cover his mouth. Dan feels himself smile back.

“I mean, I could use a friend.” Phil looked down shyly as he said it. Maybe they both can find some companionship in each other.

“I’m Daniel but you can call me Dan.” He stuck out his hand for Phil to shake and was taken aback by the softness of his hand in his. Dan could have sworn they lingered attached at the hand. “Your hands are very soft.” Dan froze and snatched his hand away from Phil’s. The word vomit doesn’t stop with the rude comments, apparently.

Phil didn’t seem bothered by the comment as some may become upon hearing a man comment on the softness of his hands. Instead, he lit up. “Thank you! I moisturize everyday.”

Dan didn’t know what else to do but let out a nervous giggle. Who was this man who was making Dan feel so flustered? Phil stared at him across the table. The intensity of the eye contact sent a thrill down Dan’s spine but he tried to tamp it down. These situations can get dangerous if he were to actually act on his urges.

But Phil didn’t seem dangerous. His eyes were soft and he seemed so open to a man who he met less than five minutes ago. “What were you reading before I interrupted you?”

“I’m just re-reading a book that I teach my students. _A Tale of Two Cities_ by Dickens. I’m a schoolteacher at the secondary school around here. I assume you’re a barrister?”

Dan sputtered. “How did you know!?”

Phil did his cute little giggle again. “Um, the hair, Dan.”

Dan had forgotten about his powdered wig. “Ugh, I can’t believe I forgot about this hideous thing. Literally ruins my outfit every time.” He decided that while he’s drinking his coffee with Phil he can take it off. As he takes it off and runs his fingers through his slightly damp curls (it’s hot under there), he looks up and sees Phil looking with a slightly open mouth. 

“What? Is there pastry on my face?” Dan tried to wipe it away but he couldn’t really find the crumbs. 

“Oh, um nothing. I just didn’t know you had curly hair. That was a weird thing to say right?” Now Phil seemed to be the one who was flustered. It made Dan prickle with something. He wasn’t sure exactly what, but it made him nervous. 

“You know, I think I'm going to be late to work, I should head out.” Dan grabbed his briefcase and wig and began to stand up. Phil looked slightly panicked at the sight of him leaving.

“You’re going to go? But you haven’t finished your coffee. It’s fine, I’ll go, I’m done anyway, I should finish the book,” Phil rambled, also getting up. Dan felt bad, he didn’t mean to make it such a big deal. What exactly he was making into a big deal, he wasn’t sure, but he knew he didn’t really want to leave or for Phil to leave either. 

“No, no stay. It’s fine. Um, do you come here often?” Dan wanted to slap himself. He could feel his rosy patch on his cheek burn and saw as Phil’s eyes were drawn to it as he felt warmer. 

“I come here sometimes. Are you going to be here tomorrow?” The shy smile and hand behind Phil’s neck made Dan think he hadn’t ruined everything. 

Dan returned his smile. “I’ll be here.” 

“Alright. See you tomorrow then.” Phil finished getting up and putting on his coat and stuck his hand out for Dan to shake. Apparently he’s going to leave anyway. He had such a sweet smile that Dan felt nothing but joy at returning, grabbing his soft, soft hand again.

“See you tomorrow.”


	2. Chapter 2

They saw each other in that coffee house every morning for the next month. Dan finally didn’t dread getting up because although his job was still hell, every morning with Phil was amazing. It turns out they had loads and loads of things in common. A lot of Dan’s favorite books were also Phil’s. They were both interested in Asian cultures, trying to read as many books and trying as many foods as they possibly could. They exchange books almost every week, creating an informal book club of just the two of them every Saturday. At first they attempted to sit at their table quietly reading their books together but they would devolve into giggles and side comments so they’ve given up on that idea.

Dan also learned a lot about Phil’s personal life. He lived by himself in an apartment a block away from Dan’s but he was raised in Manchester. His father was a businessman and he studied English at university. He wanted to be a writer but ended up teaching instead but he still loved the job and his students and the fact that it gave him a lot of time to write. Dan always begged to read one of his works but Phil was always sheepish and would tell him he could read it later. Dan wouldn’t admit that the way Phil talked about “later” so often gave him a thrill. 

Dan had also realized he had fallen desperately in love with him. 

Although Phil was also a bachelor, there was no way to know if he was like Dan. He feared putting himself into a situation where he could, at best, get rejected and his heart broken and, at worst, get sent to do manual labor in prison. Also, Phil was the best friend he had ever made. He didn’t want to destroy their bond. 

It was a Saturday when their relationship shifted. It was pouring down and typically they would meet up at the coffee house at around noon. Even though it was pouring, Dan would never pass up the opportunity to see Phil. As he started getting ready to brave the rain his telephone rang. He didn’t get a lot of phone calls and he was curious to see who would call on a Saturday.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Dan? It’s Phil.” They had exchanged telephone numbers a couple of weeks ago when Phil wanted to talk to Dan about the book he had let him borrow the week before. Dan let the warm feeling run through his bones. He had stopped trying to ignore the feelings or stop them at this point. It was much nicer to just let himself feel it. 

“Hello, Phil! What’s happening? Are you not going to the coffee house today?” Dan tried to hide the disappointment in his voice but he wasn’t sure he had succeeded. It made him nervous to think he was revealing too much of himself.

“Well, it’s really pouring down out there today.”

Dan felt his heart plunge. “Oh. Well, that’s fine, I have some stuff to do for work anyw—”

“Wait, what? No, I was just thinking, the coffee house is farther from either of our apartments than we are to each other. Makes no sense to walk in the rain to spend money when we could just meet up in one of our flats, right?”

Suddenly, Dan’s heartbeat picked up. For the month they had known each other, they had never visited each other’s flats. 

“Um, you’re right. Mine or yours?” Dan tried to push past his nervousness to just accept the invitation. He would be lying to himself if he said that he wasn’t intensely curious to see what Phil’s house looked like. He fantasized about it a lot at this point.

At first he tried to curb his fantasies about his friend but he quickly realized it was no use. It was quicker to just think the thoughts and move on. He imagined Phil’s home would be covered in plants and books everywhere. He felt a giddy excitement at the thought and he prayed that he wouldn’t say to go Dan’s place.

“You can come over to mine, if you want. I just bought some new coffee. I could brew us some!”

“Oh my god, Phil. You have a coffee siphon?”

“Of course! I need my coffee every morning, Dan, and sometimes more! I wouldn’t survive without it.”

“Well, I would love to try some.” Dan said, through his giggles. 

He heard Phil giggle on the other end and his traitorous heart flipped in his chest. “Okay, well get over here quick!”

If Dan didn’t know better, it would sound like Phil was as eager to see Dan as he was to see Phil.

A five minute walk later, Dan found himself outside of Phil’s building. He felt nervous again. Things that felt so natural while being in Phil’s presence became so hard when he was alone with his thoughts. Even though he tried to remind himself that this was just an innocent visit from one friend to another, he panicked thinking about what his landlord may think. Right now, the desire to see Phil (and the need to get out of the rain) pushed those fears to the side and Dan found himself in the lobby with the landlord looking up from the newspaper he was reading.

_Who read the newspaper on the weekend?_

“What do you want, boy?” Said the man brusquely. 

“I’m here to see Philip Lester, sir.” Although Dan found this man to be incredibly rude, he knew he had to be polite so he wouldn’t risk his visit with Phil.

The man eyed Dan suspiciously up and down. “Oh, you’re one of _his_ friends. Ugh, he’s in room 4.”

The disgust that he put on Phil’s pronoun took Dan aback and he wanted to ask why he would put such disdain on this person and defend his best friend but he knew it wasn’t worth it. 

“Thank you, sir.” He quickly reached the fourth apartment and with his heart rate speeding up slightly, he rapped his knuckles on his door. 

Phil was at the door instantaneously, as if he was waiting right beside it. “Hello! Come in! You’re soaked! I feel bad now that I said for you to come to mine, sacrificing you to the rain!” Dan must have looked taken aback from the speed of which he opened the door because Phil began blushing.

Really, Dan had no idea why he was embarrassed when he felt his own face burn up at the sight of Phil. He was dressed down. Way down. He was only wearing his undershirt with his trousers and socks. Dan was shocked that he would receive him this way but he can’t say he was upset. In this outfit, Dan could see his lightly muscled arms which were as pale as the rest of him and absolutely covered in freckles. Dan could imagine those arms embracing him, in love and lust. 

“Um, do you want to come in, Dan.” Phil laughed nervously as he said it. _Fuck._ Dan had made him feel uncomfortable by staring at him and undressing him with his mind.

“Oh, yeah, of course! Sorry, you know me, I’m always with the fairies!” Dan quickly pushed past Phil but touching him made it worse. He was stuttering as he walked in. 

He was distracted from his own embarrassments quickly when he looked around Phil’s flat. It appeared to be a single room with his bed in the corner of the room with a bookshelf overflowing with books. On the other side, there was a desk covered in different books and sheets of paper and a typewriter. In the middle, there was a couch with a coffee table with the siphon brewing the coffee Dan was promised. It was messy but not dirty. Phil seemed to be very clean. And Dan was right, Phil had many plants. From where he was standing he counted at least five. He had hanging plants, large potted plants, small ones along his windowsill by his bed. It brought a pop of color Dan rarely saw in his life. 

“Sorry I didn’t really clean up a lot. This was kind of a last minute plan.” When Dan turned back to Phil he saw he still seemed very nervous. Seeing his anxiety made Dan feel nervous and he was hit with the odd impulse to leave the apartment. 

After several seconds of Dan just looking at Phil, Phil broke their eye contact and rubbed the back of his neck and said, “Did my landlord give you any trouble?” Phil quickly turned around and headed towards the couch. 

“Um, it was fine. Doesn’t seem to like you very much does he?” Dan tried to laugh it off but there was something in the air now.

Phil laughed bitterly. “Ha. You could say that.” Phil finally reached the couch and sat down and looked up at Dan again and the eye contact took Dan’s breath away. “Are you uncomfortable? You look absolutely soaked. Please, feel free to get more comfortable. Do you want me to take your coat to the closet?” It seemed Phil couldn’t sit still. He got up and reached out for Dan and began to carefully grab at his coat. Dan wasn’t sure what else to do but let him. Although, Dan was wet down to his undergarments and he had been shivering as he walked in, the feeling of Phil’s knuckles through his shirt made Dan feel like he was absolutely on fire.

“Thank you.” Dan’s voice had gotten so low, even to his own ears. 

Phil took his jacket to the closet. He yelled over his shoulder that if Dan was uncomfortable in the wet dress shirt, he was welcome to take it off as well. Dan wanted to stare at Phil with his mouth agape but Phil wouldn’t turn around to look at him. 

Dan was quite uncomfortable in the wet clothes. Phil was already in his undergarments. There was no harm in just matching his level of undress. He tried to remind himself that he was definitely not crossing any lines. He quickly took off his shirt as Phil seemed to go into his cabinets trying to find mugs for himself and Dan. Dan’s socks were also soaked through so he thought he might as well take those off too.

Phil turned around with the two mugs and looked at Dan in the eyes again. “Sit, please. The coffee is done. I’ll pour it for us.” 

When Dan sat on the couch, he saw that Phil had set out milk and sugar for them as well. Phil quickly came to the couch and sat next to Dan, leaving a bit of space between them. Dan tamped down his disappointment as much as he could. 

“I’m glad you got more comfortable. Sorry if I’m acting strange. I haven’t had friends over in a while and I think I may have forgotten how to behave.” Phil said with a small laugh. 

Although Phil seemed to have purposefully left a space between them, Dan could feel Phil’s heat from where he was. Phil had no idea how Dan felt about him. He couldn’t ruin everything by acting strange the first time he sees his house.

Dan feigned nonchalance, “You’re fine. I’ve never even had a friend I’ve visited so I’m not even sure if anything is weird or not.” As Dan talked, Phil began serving them their coffees. 

“Well, what’s weird for us?” Phil finally looked up and looked at Dan with a small smile and crinkled eyes and he passed Dan his mug. It warmed him up a bit to hold the warm mug. “I hope you like my coffee. I put a secret ingredient.” Phil had a mischievous glint in his eye as he said that.

Dan narrowed his eyes at him and lifted the coffee to his lips to try it. He was shocked. It was better than any coffee he had had in the coffee house, maybe ever in his entire life. Dan let out an involuntary moan into the mug as he took another mouth full.

“Wow, that good? Don’t flatter me, please, my head is already too big.” Phil looked a bit flushed but he mostly just had a pleased expression with Dan liking his coffee. 

“This is so good, Phil. What do you put in this?” Dan was practically chugging the coffee at this point which he knew he would regret when the caffeine began coursing through his veins.

Phil laughed at him, but not in a hurtful way. “I just put some chocolate shavings in it!” 

“Genius! Why has no one else thought of that!” 

“I don’t know! It just occurred to me one day that it would be so delicious to mix both! I knew you would love it.” Phil put his hands on Dan’s shoulders as he said that and shook him around a little. It was a totally platonic touch but Dan couldn’t help the way he got short of breath. 

He still gave Phil a wide grin. “Well you were right. I love it.” Dan felt a thrill saying the L word even if it was in the context of some chocolate coffee. He wanted to say it to Phil but that was too dangerous so he would settle for saying it to the coffee. 

“I’m glad! So, what do you want to do now we’re caffeinated?” Phil looked at him with those blue eyes that Dan had gotten lost in countless times in the past month and Dan’s brain supplied him with many things he wanted to do now. He felt like he was losing his grip on reality.

“Do you have cards? We can play a game. Shall we play bridge?” Dan secretly chose that game because he knew he was amazing at it. He knew could show off his skills.

“Yes! Do you mind getting the cards from the bookshelf while I clean up the table? I have to warn you though, I’m very good.” Dan just laughed because Phil had no idea. He got up and headed towards the bookshelf, trying to ignore how close he was getting to Phil’s bed. It was unmade and Dan could imagine Phil laying there in the early morning light in this beautiful apartment. 

He went back to the task at hand and faced the bookshelf and even there there were distractions to be found. Phil really had so many books by so many authors. Dickens, Austen, Shakespeare. The list went on. When Dan finally found the cards, we moved them and found it was placed on top of more books. The complete works of Oscar Wilde. Dan’s breath caught in his throat. He tried to convince himself it meant nothing. Not all men wrote off Wilde after his arrest. The grand majority did, though. 

“Can you not find it?” Phil called out from the sofa. Dan didn’t know to ask him about it. On one hand, he could finally know if they were the same. On the other, Dan was a barrister. Phil revealing himself to him could ruin his entire life. If Dan was in his shoes he’s not sure he would tell him. 

“Dan? Are you okay?” Phil was getting up to see what was holding Dan up. Guess Dan didn’t have a choice. Phil came from behind and peered above his shoulder and Dan could feel him immediately tense. 

“Are you a fan of Wilde’s, Phil?” Dan tried to ask the question as nonchalantly as he could but he knew they both knew the weight of the question. 

“Why?” Dan was not expecting that answer. Phil had a voice Dan’s not sure he had ever heard from Phil. It was guarded in a way Phil never was around him. He turned around to look at Phil and was startled to find him standing with barely an inch of space between them. 

“Well, you have everything he’s ever written. Just wondering if you enjoy it,” Dan decided it was now or never. He dug himself in this hole. The Phil he thinks he knows won’t turn him in. Besides, he wasn’t even directly saying it. You can’t arrest someone for reading Wilde. He would know. “His poems were good but I found his longer works to be a bit tedious.”

Phil’s eyes changed then. They had something in them Dan wasn’t sure he’s seen before. Ever. 

“Um,” Phil cleared his throat, it had suddenly gotten very gruff, “I think I would be considered a fan of Wilde’s.” Phil immediately looked away. They were so close Dan could feel his breath on his face. He was reminded of how little clothes they were both wearing. 

Dan couldn’t stand the tension. It felt like everything was out in the open. They had barely said anything but it felt like they were both completely exposed to one another. He couldn’t stand Phil not looking at him. 

“Phil,” Dan doesn’t know where the confidence came from but he had to get Phil to look at him. He reached out and touched his bare arm. It was just as soft as his hands were. 

Phil took one of those soft hands and touched the side of Dan’s face. They were looking into each other’s eyes. Phil’s eyes were so expressive. Dan still couldn’t read them but he knew he wanted to.

Somehow, even after all the build up, he was shocked when Phil kissed him. 

Dan had only ever kissed one other person when he was in university. While he was out drinking, a girl would not leave his side. Near the end of the night she leaned in and kissed him. Dan had known it wasn’t right.

This felt nothing like that kiss. This kiss had Dan’s heart racing as if he was running. It had him wrapping his arms around Phil’s broad shoulders and bringing him closer as he was backed up against the library. Had him opening his mouth to more, more, more.

Phil moved his mouth away from Dan’s and Dan couldn’t stop the whimper that left him. It was okay because Phil was just kissing his jaw on his way to his neck. When Phil reached his neck and began lightly sucking, Dan let out a loud groan. Phil quickly jerked back.

“Shh!” He told him to be quiet with an urgency he’d never seen on him. Dan was suddenly reminded of what he was doing. He felt like he should want to run out and never speak to Phil again but what he really wanted to do was just seek comfort in Phil.

So that’s what he did. When Phil shushed him he just collapsed in his arms and held Phil and he held him. Dan couldn’t help the tears that came out. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long, Dan.” Phil said softly, stroking his neck with his fingers. Dan always thought he hated people touching his neck but it turns out he loved it when Phil was the one doing it.

Even though he loved being in Phil’s arms, he needed to see his face in this moment. He backed up to look at him. It was the same face he had been seeing everyday for the past month but there was something different. His lips were wet and red and his eyes were vulnerable. 

“Since when?” Dan was shocked that Phil felt the same way.

“Since the first time I saw you in the coffee shop.” Phil let out a sheepish chuckle. “You were so handsome and you sat with me and you were so awkward.” Phil pulled Dan closer and nuzzled into him. “I liked you so so much from the beginning.”

Dan felt a couple more tears leak out at that. He couldn’t believe after 25 years of waiting he had finally found love. Phil backed up again to look at Dan and looked concerned when he saw Dan’s crying face.

“Don’t cry, love. It’s going to be okay. I’ll make sure nothing happens to us.” Phil dragged him back into his chest as he reassured him. While Dan’s whole being lit up at being called “love” by Phil, the reality of the situation dawned on him and he felt as though he had been doused with cold water. Dan couldn’t care though. He would do anything to have Phil.

“I love you, Phil.” 

Phil backed up again and broke out into a wide grin. He leaned in and left a chaste kiss on Dan’s lips and and mumbled against his lips, “I love you, too”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: reference to homophobic violence towards phil

After that fateful day, Dan’s life changed completely. Well, not completely. He was still a barrister. He still saw Phil everyday. But some of their rituals changed. After work, Dan would either go directly to Phil’s apartment where they would spend time together or Phil would go to his place. So far, they mainly talked, cuddled, and kissed. Dan had told Phil he was very inexperienced and Phil told him it was fine if they waited to do more. Dan wanted more but he was scared of being horrible. He wanted to be good for him. 

Dan did notice Phil didn’t tell him how much experience he had. Dan wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. He wanted to know everything about him but also thinking about Phil with other people made him feel sick. 

These evenings they spent together were magical. They would be various levels of undress every time and snuggle under blankets. They would cover each other’s faces in kisses and giggles as they talked about anything and everything.

Dan did notice that every time he went to Phil’s apartment, his landlord would give him a suspicious look. He wasn’t sure what he was doing to warrant such a look but it made him anxious. He was aware of the danger he and Phil were in every time they did things but when it was just the two of them it felt like nothing could touch them. 

But the landlord was getting to him. One evening, after passing the landlord on his way to Phil’s with him giving Dan the dirtiest look after Dan greeted him, as was Dan and the landlord’s ritual, Dan had to ask Phil why his landlord seemed to dislike him so much.

They were laying in Phil’s bed, down to their undershirts and underwear. Dan was resting his head on Phil’s chest while Phil read a book that he was going to teach to his students in the next term. 

Dan stroked Phil’s arm lightly as he asked the question, hoping not to offend him. “Hey, Phil? Is there a reason your landlord hates us so much?” He tried to ask it casually but he could feel himself tense up.

Phil sighed in response. “I was hoping you wouldn’t ask me that,” said Phil as he put down his book. He wrapped both his arms around Dan and adjusted himself so he could look in his eyes. Dan still got lost in those ocean eyes every time he looked in them but in this past month he had learned how to read them better than any other eyes in his life. He saw something so sad in them right now.

“What happened?” Dan felt his heart start to race but he tried not to let it bleed into his words. He reached out and touched Phil’s face, trying to take away some of that sadness. 

“Ugh,” Phil rolled out of Dan’s reach and threw an arm on top of his eyes. Dan hated it but he wanted to know what had happened, so he stayed quiet and waited for Phil to keep going. 

Phil finally started talking, still covering his eyes. “A couple years ago, when I first moved to London and this flat, I had a boyfriend. He was actually the reason I moved here, sadly enough. Anyway, he lost his job and had to come and live with me here. My landlord was always suspicious of me. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the hair? I don’t know. Me and Charles, that was his name, we tried to be quiet all the time so that no one knew what was going on but one day my landlord walked in unannounced. It was early morning and we hadn’t gotten out of bed yet. Obviously, it did not go over well. He screamed at us and told us he was going to call the police immediately. I chased after him to beg him not to call the police on us. I literally begged him on my knees and that also didn’t go over well. He slapped me telling me I was trying something on him, obviously I wasn’t but… yeah. Anyway, I told him I would pay twice the rent if he didn’t say anything. He agreed after a bit more abuse but by the time I had fixed everything, Charles had packed up his stuff and told me he was done. That it wasn’t worth it. Part of the agreement was that I would never bring another boyfriend back to the apartment. He’s very suspicious of us but I told him that you were just a student teacher I was training. I don’t know what we will do when classes start again but I don’t know,” he suddenly turned over and grabbed Dan, “I don’t really like to think about that when I’m with you though.” 

Phil gave him a sad smile. While Dan’s heart broke for Phil, he felt a panic fall over him thinking about how everything could have been ruined in a second. 

“Phil! Why didn’t you tell me? I feel like this is very important information to know. What if he had talked to me, asked me about teaching? I could have ruined everything!” Dan could feel his breaths coming shorter and shorter. 

“Dan! It’s fine, everything is fine,” Phil rolled over on top of Dan and squeezed him with his arms as Dan had a panic attack. Sadly, this was not the first time this has happened while Phil and Dan were together. Dan would start thinking about the danger they were in and start panicking. But being in Phil’s arms always helped him calm down. 

“Nothing happened,” Phil whispered in his ear, “I’m sorry.”

Dan slowly calmed down and slightly nudged Phil off of him so they could talk. As soon as they made eye contact, Phil sighed and looked away.

He looked back at him. “I’m really sorry, Dan. I should have told you. I was just scared. I love you so much. I didn’t want to risk what had happened with Charles to happen to you. I cared about Charles but it didn’t feel even close to this. I didn’t want to risk this,” Phil grabbed one of his hands and started kissing each finger. Dan felt this heart swell with love for this man. He could not imagine leaving him ever at this point. 

“Phil… I can’t believe you think I would ever leave you. It feels like you’re my soulmate.”

Phil looked up from Dan’s hands to look into his eyes. All the sadness from them was gone. He finally looked happy again after that terrible conversation. Phil leaned in and gave a small kiss to Dan’s lips. 

“Did you know I love you?” He said with a mischievous smirk, leaning in so close that Dan couldn’t help but reconnect their lips as he giggled.

This was one of the reasons Dan loved Phil so much. He had been having a panic attack not even five minutes ago and now he was laughing into their kisses.

They kept kissing and quickly Dan felt the heat grow. Typically when it got to this point Dan would put a stop to it, nervous about the next step. On this day, however, he was feeling different. After hearing Phil’s story he kept thinking about how everything could be taken from him in a second. What was he waiting for? If something were to happen to them, he would never forgive himself for not acting on his feelings.

Dan shifted and put his thigh between Phil’s and pushed up to Phil’s bulge that he felt growing harder. Phil took a quick breath through his nose and pulled back from Dan so they weren’t kissing anymore. 

They were both breathing much harder now and Dan got even closer to Phil so that they were touching from their shins to their chests with their crotches pressed together. Dan had never felt anything like that and he couldn’t stop from pressing in a little with his hips, making a whimper fall from his lips.

“Dan…” Phil sounded as wrecked as Dan felt. He put his hand on Dan’s face so he would open his eyes. Phil looked very serious. “Are you sure? We don’t have t—”

Dan interrupted him with a well placed set of lips. “Please Phil. I’m sure. I just… want you. All of you.” When Dan leaned back into him, Phil had a desperation to him that Dan had not felt since that first kiss those weeks ago when they finally realized their true feelings for each other. Dan couldn’t do anything but kiss back in the same way.

Phil shifted himself so that he was on top of him then ground his hips down into Dan’s. Dan let out a quiet groan at the sensation as Phil kissed his collarbone and licked up his neck until he was kissing under his ear. Dan was panting at this point, straining to keep quiet. Phil gave him a small kiss at his earlobe and whispered in his ear, “what do you want, Dan?” 

Dan’s mind started racing thinking about everything he wanted to do to Phil and everything he wanted Phil to do to him. He couldn’t decide. It all seemed perfect. “Anything. Please, whatever you want.” 

Phil backed up again and Dan let out an involuntary whimper at the loss of Phil’s lips on his neck. He had a very serious look on his face again, one that made Dan’s stomach swoop. “Do you want to fuck me?”

Dan felt all the blood leave his head in that moment. It almost felt like an out of body experience. He couldn’t believe that this beautiful man on top of him who he loved and who loved him back was asking Dan to do that. Dan whimpered again and could only nod furiously.

Phil immediately was at his mouth again. Dan felt rummaging near him and he backed up to see Phil pulling off his pants. Dan had never seen Phil’s cock before and he couldn’t help but reach out and touch it. Phil shuddered immediately, “Dan.”

Dan looked up and felt nervous suddenly. He hadn’t felt the nerves yet but actually seeing Phil like this for the first time had him thinking about his inexperience again. “Phil,” He whispered hoping not to betray exactly how apprehensive he was feeling about this new step as he lightly stroked up Phil’s manhood.

Phil seemed to see right through him and grabbed Dan’s hand and removed it from himself. “Dan? Is everything okay? Did you change your mind?”

“No! Definitely not! I just… don’t know how to do anything. I don’t want you to be too disappointed if I’m shit is all,” Dan looked away in shame.

Phil scoffed at his response and grabbed his face so that Dan would look at him as he spoke. “Dan. You can’t be shit. I promise. The only thing we need for it to be good is each other. It’ll be perfect even if we don’t do anything more than what we have already done. I love you.” He kissed him softly and Dan felt silly for doubting anything in the first place. “Do you trust me?”

It was Dan’s turn to scoff at him. “Of course.”

“Then please take your clothes off.” Dan felt the heat that was there before the interlude rush through his body again. He quickly undressed while Phil did the same. Seeing Phil completely naked was making Dan feel even more completely crazy for him. If the look on Phil’s face was anything to go by, Phil was feeling a similar way.

Phil quickly closed the distance between them again and began kissing him like crazy again. Phil’s hand moved down from his chest to his cock and began stroking properly right away. Dan couldn’t help the loud moan that left him that moment but luckily Phil’s mouth was there to muffle it. 

After a little bit of Phil wanking him, Phil backed up again. “Can you sit up for me, love?” Dan was confused to what was happening but he trusted Phil and he backed up so he was sitting up against the headboard while Phil looked him up and down. Dan felt like he was on fire. 

Phil started getting up from the bed and Dan whined and tried to grab his arm. Phil giggled and grabbed his hand and kissed it again. “Don’t worry, baby. I’m just getting supplies. I’ll be right back.” Phil got up and quickly walked to the kitchen and back holding a small container of vegetable oil. 

Phil poured some out on his hand and rubbed it around. He looked into Dan’s eyes as he put his hands around Dan again. Without Phil’s mouth to muffle the moans, Dan was forced to cover his mouth with his hand. He couldn’t stop the noises coming out of his mouth at this point. It felt amazingly good with the oil. Every new step felt like the best thing he had ever experienced. 

“You don’t have to worry about being bad, Dan. I’ll do all the work.” Dan was confused as to what he meant but then Phil was crawling up his lap and positioning Dan’s cock at his hole. 

“Wait! Don’t you need to be stretched first?” Dan’s mind was clouded over in lust but he still wanted to think about Phil’s wellbeing. He would hate if Phil felt uncomfortable because of him. 

Phil just let out a dark laugh. “Don’t worry, baby. I’m already stretched. I use my fingers and think about you.” Dan had never seen this expression in Phil’s eyes before but he felt like he may have become addicted with just one taste.

Dan could only groan in response as Phil began to push down. Phil hissed as he took him in slowly. Dan grabbed onto Phil’s hips and tried not to move a muscle. 

Once Dan was fully inside Phil, Phil stopped and leaned in to continue kissing. Dan was so glad that Phil chose this position so that they could keep kissing. It helped ground the whole experience.

As Dan got lost in the kiss, Phil started moving slowly. Dan felt like all the air left his lungs. His hypothesis was correct. This now is the best thing he has ever felt. Phil moved from Dan’s mouth as Dan struggled to catch his breath to kiss his neck and Dan felt like he was about to explode. 

“Phil, I don’t know how long this will last,” He whispered, not risking raising his voice in case he vocalized his pleasure a bit too loud. 

Phil just laughed in response. “Don’t worry, love. Come when you need to.” Phil started riding faster then and Dan couldn’t stop the moan even if he tried. It wasn’t muffled at all but he just hoped that all of Phil’s neighbors were out right now. He couldn’t care. Not when he felt this good. 

As Dan felt ejaculation come on, he smashed his and Phil’s lips together once again and came with Phil’s tongue in his mouth. He had never come so hard when it was just him, his hand, and thoughts of Phil. 

As he rode out his orgasm, Phil lifted off of him and began wanking over him staring intently into Dan’s eyes. Dan wished he could do something to help but the most he could conjure at the moment was to grab Phil’s hips as he worked through his orgasm. 

Phil came with Dan’s name on his lips and the most gorgeous face Dan had ever seen. He collapsed next to Dan and Dan was immediately back on him kissing and holding him. Phil held back just as tightly.

“Are you okay?” Phil asked when they finally separated and simply cuddled in the mess they had made. 

“Ha! Am I okay? That was the best experience of my life, Phil. Thank you.” Dan still felt a bit delirious from the orgasm.

Phil laughed at him. “You don’t have to thank me, silly. I love you.” Phil leaned back in for a kiss. Dan tried to put everything he felt into the kiss. He didn't want to lose this ever.

“Let’s leave,” Dan blurted out. 

“What do you mean let’s leave? We’re naked. Where do you want to go?” Phil laughed and looked at him like he was crazy. But Dan was serious.

“I don’t mean right now. I mean let’s leave England. Fuck these laws, Phil. I don’t want to be scared of loving you. Leave with me and let’s go to France.” Dan propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at him. The smile slowly left Phil’s face and was replaced with something much more serious.

“Do you mean that?”

“I mean it more than anything I’ve ever said. Except maybe ‘I love you.’” Dan went in for a quick kiss. 

When they pulled back, Phil still had that intense look on his face. “What about our jobs?”

“We’ll find new ones! Please Phil. Runaway with me.” He dropped down again and nuzzled into his neck. He was nervous now. If Phil said no, he would still be with him but he wasn’t sure how he could live with the anxiety.

As Phil thought about it, however, a smile stretched across Phil’s face and he went in for a longer kiss. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Dan felt himself smiling but he didn’t want to get too excited yet.

“Yes, Dan. Let’s run away together.” Dan started laughing like crazy. He didn’t know what was so funny but soon Phil started laughing too and they were two giggling men on the bed. Dan smiled into their next kiss knowing it was the first of many more in his life.


	4. Epilogue

_One Year Later_

When Dan woke up, he noticed two things. One: He really had to use the bathroom and Two: He wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to get to it with a man sprawled over him, pinning him to the bed. He opened his eyes and saw Phil’s peacefully sleeping face inches away from his. He looked so cute like this and Dan didn’t have the heart to wake him but if he didn’t move in the next five minutes he was going to wet the bed. He’d wake him up the favorite way Phil liked to be woken up.

Dan started kissing his shoulders and face softly trying to gently rouse Phil from sleep. Phil let out a little groan but when Dan reached his lips, he kissed back. Phil reached out his arms and held onto Dan’s shoulders, trying to deepen the kiss. 

Dan giggled into his mouth and tried to put some distance in between them. “I wouldn’t if I were you, love. I am dying to use the bathroom so shove over,” he was slightly shoving him away as Phil whined.

“And here I thought you woke me up because you missed me so much.” Dan looked down and looked into Phil’s eyes for the first time today. That was definitely Dan’s favorite part of his mornings. He couldn’t help but lean in for another kiss. 

When they separated again Dan decided that his bladder could wait. He sat there staring into his eyes and memorizing every freckle on his cheeks and every color in his eyes.

“Are you into watersports now? We didn’t negotiate this.” 

Dan laughed in his face and decided the moment was over. He groaned as he got up and quickly waddled into the bathroom to relieve himself. 

“So, what’s the plan today?” Dan asked from the bathroom to Phil’s sleepy shape. 

Phil groaned again. “The nonfiction section is a mess. Some kid came in looking for some biography? He destroyed it! We need to re-organize it promptly.” 

“I can handle that. Do you want to work the till today?” 

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Phil finally got up from the bed and started looking for something to wear. 

Dan and Phil had moved to Paris eight months ago and had bought a book store. They lived on the second floor of the building and they lived and breathed the books. Dan finally never dreaded waking up. He loved his job, he loved his partner, and he loved his life. He got to look into Phil’s eyes every morning as he woke up and he couldn’t imagine a better way to wake up for the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> [reblog on tumblr :-)](https://phangelica.tumblr.com/post/189982680497/wilde)


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